I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
