U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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