well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
BRING THE BAGELS
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
