he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
