Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
