This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
