Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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