hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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