Just cropdusted the office
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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