I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Randomize
