Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we made out on top of his cat.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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