the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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