I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
