he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
