i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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