i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
