The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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