ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
