I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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