someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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