youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
