Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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