I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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