Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
