Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
now i know why i became what i already was.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
