I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
