when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
