I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
