Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
