I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
