Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
