I just saw a hot homeless man
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
