I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize