it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
honey bunches of taint.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
