Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
