This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
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one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
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Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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