hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
