i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
