I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
