Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
