She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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