I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
