Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
