I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
