sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
