you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
