i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
