I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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