your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
