I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize