farters have to be the big spoon...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
