Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
