Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
