she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
this hospital has no fireball
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
