You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He better not be in your backpack
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
