Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Sorry about my life...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
