Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
