I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
