I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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