I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
