there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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