He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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