I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
