there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
