But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize