mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
