Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
