i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
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Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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