He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
