We won't sleep together?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
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She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
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The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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