Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
