You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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