All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
