Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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