My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Randomize
