Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
